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About Photography / Hobbyist Member Billie GaffneyFemale/United States Recent Activity
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Hurt by photoartbyshannon

The details in this are awesome and very realistic. I myself wasn't sure if it was fake or not until I read your comment! Great work on...

Blue lake by JoInnovate

First of all, great shot! I love how you can see the texture of the clouds! And the wall is great to help even out the coloring of the ...

Cinnamon Heart by Clerdy
by Clerdy

This is fabulous! Love the necklace. The way you have it displayed is how I'd find it advertised in a magazine. I've attempted to photo...

Windows by thejamcascru

Let me say, I LOVE This shot. It's really incredible. This is a very original shot. I love how the sky peeks threw the windows. It's re...

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b-j-g
Billie Gaffney
Artist | Hobbyist | Photography
United States
Hey, I'm Billie. I'm a student as MSU Moorhead majoring in business administration. My main passion is photography. I also dabble in making/designing jewelry, knitting, plastic canvasing, painting, writing, singing, sewing, and playing guitar.

I come from a bigger family in a small town in Minnesota. I'm not the type of person to be extremely expressive in my work. I just like things I photograph to be real. I'm not a fan of ordering people around on set, I like them to be and look like themselves. I want to be able to show everyone the beauty the world has to offer.


It's one of my goals in life to have a photograph published in a National Geographic magazine.

I'm very open about most things, so if you feel the need to critique or just have some cool ideas you'd like to share let me know.

I feel someday, somehow, I WILL change the world for the better. :)


ANNNND Here's more about me, if you're interested...
Name: Billie Jo Gaffney (BJ, Nina)
Height: 5'5
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: Dirty blonde/brown
Race: White, great grandma was from Chuckleslovakia
Zodiac Sign: Leo

DO YOU...
Drink?: yes
Smoke?: no
Use Drugs?: Define “drugs”
Cuss?: all the fucking time!
Play Any Instruments?: Guitar and Piano
Have Any Peircings?: Yes, 3 in one ear 2 in the other
Have Any Tattoos?: No.
Like To Annoy People?: All the time!
Like Life?: most definitely
Wear Make-Up?: yep
Dye Your Hair?: Yes
Scream At The top of your lungs for no reason?: ehh..no
Get Distracted By Shiny Objects?: sometimes

ARE YOU...
Dependable?: Yes
Trustworthy?: When it counts
Obsessive?:Sometimes…. 
Hyper Active?: nah
Happy?: Yes
Content?: Very
Boring?: I can be…
Violent?: Uhh, if you piss me off enough you may get a smack on the head…like what Gibbs does on NCIS. Hippie-Ish?: Yes
Shy?: When I first meet someone
Paranoid?: I have been before
Social?: Yes, just not all the time
Religious?: not really

WHATS YOUR FAVORITE...
TV Show?: Right now it’s The Vampire Diaries
Movie?: no favorites, but some great ones are Despicable Me, Warm Bodies, August Rush
Band/Singer(s)?: No favorites
Song?: Right now it’s I Don’t Know by Star Sailors
Book/Story?: I REALLY enjoy the Flesh and Bones series.
Color(s)?: PURPLE!
Smell?: Cucumber Mellon
Flower?: No favorites
Subject?: Anthropology
Musical: Pitch Perfect, Across The Universe
Sport?: ehh, none
Word?: pfft – not a real word, but it’s really fun to say backwards too! tffp
Quote?: "Life’s tough; Get a helmet”
Hobby?: Photography, knitting, plastic canvas, collecting change
Store?: Debs is pretty kick ass
Season?: Fall
Time Of Day?: No favorite
Number: 5

WHATS YOUR...
Worst Fear?: Death and what comes or doesn’t come after..
Life Goal?: I want to change for the world for the better.
Greatest Accomplishment?: Making it to college, and being true to myself.
WHICH ONE...
Pepsi Or Coke?: ewww, neither…
McDonald's Or Burger King?: McDonald's
Converse Or Vans?: Converse
Dogs Or Cats?: I love both
AIM, YIM Or MSN Messenger?: MSN
Chicken Or Fish?: CHICKEN!
MP3 player, iPod or CD player?: iPod
Pants Or Shorts?: pants

DESCRIBE YOUR PERFECT...
Day: My perfect day is one spent with friends and loved ones, just hanging out. Not a worry at all.
Room: Oh boy… I wouldn’t even know where to start.
Life: I don’t believe in a perfect life. I try to keep happy every day, that’s as close to perfect I think I’ll get.
World: One with peace, and either no death, or a known ending.
Romantic Date: I’ll let you know when it happens ;)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...
God?: I’m conflicted.
Heaven & Hell?: Ehh.
Angels & Demons?: Yes
Reincarnation?: Yes
Yourself?: yes. If I don’t, who will?
Ghosts?: yep
UFOs?: yes, though I don’t want to
Big Foot? nope
Loch Ness Monster?: Nessy!!!!!!
A Thing Called Love?: There is ALWAYS love.

WOULD YOU EVER...
Kill Someone Else?: No.
Kill Yourself?: Never
Beg For Money?: I beg my mom for money all the time…
Skydive?: Fuck no
Bungee Jump?: see above answer
Make out in the rain?: sure!
Run Away From Home?: Does moving out count?
Ride A Motorcycle?: YES, I plan on owning one
Do Extreme Sports?: Like what? Extreme pillow fight? :D

MORE ABOUT YOU...
Do You Own A Car?: Yes, he’s a silver Chevy Cavalier, his name is Rico and I love him. :D
Ever Been To Jail?: No, and don’t plan on it!
Ever Gotten Kicked out?: yep
Do You Like Taking Surveys Like This?: sometimes
Interests
*This will probably just end up being a long rant**

So an opportunity finally presented itself where I could tell one of my good friends for the past 6ish years I wasn't sure if I just liked him as a friend, or as more. Let me elaborate, he knew my stance on fwb (friends with benefits) fuck buddies, as well as one night stands. Lets face it, he's one of my very best friends. However, last night he pushed the thought of a sexual relationship with him. This guy, according to many of my friends, is perfect for me. Many of them would comment on how we almost feed off of each others energy. *i'm just going to call him Guy for the rest of this* Guy even admitted when we're together, or just chatting, we have absolutely no guards up. We can always be ourselves as well as open and honest with each other. I finally came clean last night.

The below are exact texts....He's trying to convince/persuade me to go to his place....

 Me: Don't you remember our fwb/one night stand discussion we had years ago?
G
uy: The times you've made me hard have drowned that out a bit, I want to do what comes naturally.

This type of conversation continues and I finally tell him I don't want anything that's not serious and he declines by saying "ok :) thats a happy meal for me then"

Me: Ok. You were open with me....so here it goes. When we first started hanging out I had a crush on you. And up to this point I was never sure if I liked you a friend or more. I guess I was hoping for the relationship...not sex. But, now that you've said your part, and I mine, we can move past them.

My friends all assured me he'd probably change his mind, however, that was not the case. He politely explained that he's not physically attracted to me. My first thought is that he's SO contradicting everything he said.


...............................................................................................................( a later text after I've come clean about the crush).........................
Guy:You know Billie, you're a truly awesome girl (not making you feel good, either) but I can't make it past the fact that I'm not truly physically attracted to you. Sure I was suggesting we help eachother get our rocks off for fun, and that you have your moments. But I'm not fully into you.

HE wants to have sexual relations with me, but can't stand the sight of me? Putting that slap aside, I appreciated the honesty, he didn't butter coat it and was completely honest with me. As the text discussion continued, i found myself super disappointing and feeling a little used. He tried to bribe me with food to blow him, but isn't attracted to me physically? Ouch. I did explain to him the attraction I felt toward him wasn't based on his looks, but more on the emotional/energetic connection we have, other than when his arms were buff, cause they were pretty hot. 

His compromise was that we could be "gym partners". Here's that entire segment of text:
Guy: Billie I came up with an idea..Its going to require equal effort, and we can do it. We are the smartest people I know, and it's a genius idea. We both have the aspirations and needs, and together we can achieve them. Let's be gym partners."

Me: I'm good, but thanks.

Guy: ..oh..that sucks lol. Think about it..I need an olympian status, and you want to lose weight..going to the gym is THE best thing, trust me. But you have to be into it...

I'm not trying to make him look bad, but a few weeks earlier I had told him I started going to the gym each morning, but not because I wanted to lose weight..more because I wanted to be healthier. I am confident with myself, it feels to me like he's not comfortable with how I look...and that bothers me...a lot. 

I am calm, cool, and collected not only thinking about it, but writing. The honesty was nice, but it really made me question how I was presenting myself and what he thinks of me. Did he really think he could bribe me with food? Seriously? And a happy meal at that. It's degrading..just because I'm thick/fat (you choose) doesn't mean I eat unhealthy and will do anything for food. Did I come off as that desperate? I know I'd confided in him earlier this week that I'd gotten inebriated and was kind of being a big flirt/tease. Does he really even have any respect for me as a woman, or even for me in general? Do I present myself like I'm disgusted with myself? Even if I was feeling like a fat piece of dog shit, I always fake it till I make it. 

I just don't know what to do. It's like I'm seeing a side of him I hadn't before, and I don't know if I don't like it because of the honesty, or because it actually is him being an ass. He is one of my best friends, but this just makes me question EVERYTHING he ever did or said. My boss told me to be true to myself with my emotions, and I am being true. But I really don't know how I feel, or even what I SHOULD feel. Should I be offended? Should I take his disgust with my body as a nice tip and hit the gym more? Should I talk to him? Does he even want to talk to me anymore? I know the great friend thing went both ways.

Me:So what's the whole friend thing? Even real? Lets be 100% honest here.

Guy: You've been the best friend I've had since my greatest friend Bob, (not real name) what do you mean? If anything youve beenTHE best friend ive had. Bobs my childhopd friend now, and ive never been as open with anyone else before. An don't think the "fun" was guaranteed to last. Maybe it wouldnt have actually BEEN fun or we just didnt like it. But doesnt hurt to try.

Me: I appreciate the honesty and I'm trying really hard not to be a chick. I've never been into the fwb, and you've never thought of me as anything more than a friend. So i'm not going to be a chick, and now that we've addressed it we can move on.

Guy:no, I HAVE thought of you as more than that. There would be no better relationship with someone when they can be your best friend as well. It means a lot  to me.

**at this point he brings in the whole "gym partners" texts posted earlier.

The more I re-read it the more bitter I get. I don't want to be that person...I'm better than that..right? 

Please, please, PLEASE give me some advice. How would you feel? What would you do? 

Before I wrote this I thought I'd wait on him to text/call/fb me and see how he acts and decide then. But now I'm not so sure.
  • Mood: Questionable
  • Listening to: When a Heart Breaks(on pandora.it's alittle ironic
  • Reading: The Divergent series (SO GOOD)
  • Eating: chewing gum :) Minty!

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Comments


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:iconjoergens-mi:
joergens-mi Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
:iconthankyouscript1::iconthankyouscript2::iconthankyouscript3: for the fav and have a little glimpse on my gallery  :) joergens-mi.deviantart.com
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:iconb-j-g:
b-j-g 6 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
No problem! Great work! :)
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:iconshangailily:
ShangaiLily Mar 15, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the :+fav: :hug:
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:iconeringraboski:
eringraboski Feb 6, 2014  Professional Photographer
thanks so much for your favorite!!
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:iconb-j-g:
b-j-g Feb 8, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
No problem!
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:iconhollygoesmeow:
Hollygoesmeow Feb 2, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Thank you so much for the watch! It really means a lot <3 Hug 
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:iconb-j-g:
b-j-g Feb 3, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
No problem!
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:iconbrii333:
Brii333 Jan 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fave, dude. Though considering how much we fave each other's stuff, I don't think we have to thank each other any more.
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:iconb-j-g:
b-j-g Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
agreed. :D
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:iconeringraboski:
eringraboski Jan 14, 2014  Professional Photographer
thanks for the favorite!!
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